SWAMP THING

"The comic book legend lives!"

1982 - Color - 91 minutes - PG - Director: Wes Craven

"After a violent incident with a special chemical, a research scientist is turned into a swamp plant monster."

On paper this movie has horror classic written all over it. Proven horror director Wes Craven. Horror scream queen in the making Adrienne Barbeau. Bad guy favorite David Hess. Ray Wise of Robocop and (my personal favorite) Twin Peaks fame. Comic source material from a great like Bernie Wrightson whose style of drawing horror rivals only Ghastly Graham Ingles. With all those strengths in their corner, they create one of the biggest disappoints ever.
This movie is going through the biggest identity crisis ever. Do we play up the comic book stuff to make this fun for kids or do I get real serious and dark like my previous movies? It gets so muddled it just collapses into an entirely poor film with a nothing budget and uses that as it strengths which make this entire movie WEAK.

Adrienne Barbeau acts about as well as any porno queen. Ray Wise walks around like a dummy in a scuba suit with plants glued on it. David Hess tries to do comedy, sorry I'm not laughing at a guy who I just saw last  in a movie raping and murdering people. The only monster is just some weird wolf mutant running around in a mask that shows no emotion and has the same exact look on its face. Mouth agape. Troma would laugh at the effects budget of this movie. Its almost non-existent.
The only decent thing about this movie is the set-up in the beginning. I'm sure the script is great but this whole film falls flat. Every aspect that made Wes Craven's films before this great he uses here and it makes this movie terrible because it just doesn't work.
The only two redeeming things this movie has is: it makes me nostalgic for a time if you said it was a movie based on a comic, people would laugh. Don't believe me? Try and find the original Captain America or Fantastic Four and you'd be amazed that any studio wasted their money making a Spider Man film, and that it would turn around and make Star Wars trilogy money.
And lastly the box says PG but for what feels like 5 minutes Adrienne Barbeau bathes topless in a swamp hot spring. Although, if you want to see that Google it and skip this movie completely.

RAW MEAT aka DEATH LINE

"The most terrifying journey you will ever make...in the land of the hungry dead!"

1973 - Color - 87 minutes - R - Director: Gary Sherman

"There's something pretty grisly going on under London in the Tube tunnels between Holborn and Russell Square. When a top civil servant becomes the latest to disappear down there Scotland Yard start to take the matter seriously. Helping them are a young couple who get nearer to the horrors underground than they would wish."

Despite the poor marketing campaign to make you believe this movie was some zombie horde film from across the pond. It is not! THIS IS NOT A ZOMBIE MOVIE!! And thank goodness. I am not against zombie films but I'm on pop culture zombie overload right now. The premise is simple, a group of people got trapped underground and after generations began to breed and every once in awhile pop up to feed. It's a nice take on the phenomenon of feral children or in movie terms The Hills Have Eyes meets a Sherlock Holmes mystery. They are so inbred and diseased, they only resemble humans in the physical form. They are completely primal, they function off of base instincts. Feed, breed and survive. I keep saying they although, we only see one throughout the movie because he is the last. The last of a couple, which the female counterpart dies in the beginning, which I'm pretty positive they share a sister/lover relationship. I believe she is pregnant as well which makes it even worse for our character.
In a desperate attempt to revive her (blood and flesh=life), if she feeds fresh raw meat it should bring her back. The cannibal attacks a well respect civil servant and takes him for food, the police are in a fluster to catch the killer and in their sights is an American subway thief. They keep banging their heads against a wall tracking him and trying to find him slipping up to the pin the murder one him, until the last 15 or so minutes when he accidentally leads them to the the real killer, the cannibal (who by the way is no longer killing to feed but out of anger and becoming quite messy).
The film is done very well. The soundtrack is cool and the director creates atmosphere in the underground scenes without just making everything dark and shot in shadows. The make-up effects are fair, although disturbing. The goriest scenes are the props which look like cousins of unused corpses from original Texas Chainsaw Massacre set (although this movie predates TCM). The second goriest is a stabbing that's a bit more blood and guts than a hammer horror vampire slaying.
I'd highly recommend this movie for a night of cannibal themed films. Also if you're looking for a little more to your flesh eaters besides buckets of pig intestines and hordes of mindless extras, this is for you.
EXTRA POINTS: Its a treat to see the late great Donald Pleasence in something not in the Halloween family.

THE UNNAMABLE

"From the depths of hell comes..."

1988 - Color - 87 minutes - R - Director: Jean-Paul Ouellette

"Two modern day college students who hear the tale of a lady in the 1800's who gave birth to a monstrous baby which, too ugly to name, became known as the "Unnamable". The creature having brutally slaughtered his family was trapped in a vault. Foolishly they decide to see the vault for themselves..."

A failed attempt to cash in on the success of Re-Animator and the cult status of From Beyond. The only thing this movie shares with the previous two is that it is named after an H.P. Lovecraft short story. What this movie has to do with the story its supposedly based on is the title and that the movie and story both start with two friends recalling ghost stories in a graveyard. From there the movie deteriorates into an attempt at a cliche 80's teenage slash romp. It only takes an hour or so to get to it, although, it feels like two.

The whole film centers around the haunted Winthrope house and if the hauntings are true or not. Is the story of "the Unnamable" actual fact or town lore that was passed down year after year for some unknown reason? The movie doesn't build at a fast enough pace and the little glimpses of the monster you do see are out of focus, in the dark or look like cheap leftovers from the Night Gallery effects department. When you finally see the monster at the climax (the last 3 minutes?) its not worth the wait and fairly under-whelming. Don't get me wrong the monster is really good. A blood spewig-androgynous-corpse white-goat demon that unfortunately spends its last moments battling to its death hissing at a tree.

Cheap thrills, boring predictable sex scenes and bad acting is what this movie is filled with. This film was obviously written by a huge Lovecraft fan because everything regarding "the Unnamable" would only make sense to anyone who has read his work. If you aren't familiar with the references you'd be pretty lost and bored by this movie. Case in point: the Necronomicon makes an appearance without the history or sheer importance of this tome explained. Its so casually presented I almost forgot it was of any value in the world of Lovecraft. 

My ultimate suggestion is pass on this or be smart and read the short story (it'll take you 10 minutes). Then watch the last 15 minutes of the movie. It'd be a better experience.

This movie has a sequel which is surprisingly much better and stars John Rhys-Davies. 

ROBOCOP

"Part man. Part machine. All cop."

1987 - Color - 102 minutes - R - Director: Paul Verhoeven

"In a dystopic & crime ridden Detroit, a terminally wounded cop returns to the force as a powerful cyborg with submerged memories haunting him."

Robocop vs. Terminator was always the debate as a kid. When you had to choose Terminator always won. I don't know why. I couldn't explain it besides "He's cooler". Although, as I get older I realize why. Robocop follows the rules. Terminator has none except destroy. Robocop is a cop so he automatically is a bummer. Terminator is a killer so there is no moral code being enforced. Robocop is a man trying to come to terms with the fact that he's a machine or a machine coming to terms with the fact that he used to be a man. The Terminator is a nihilist piece of Bronson garbage that kills with no rules until it reaches its prime directive. Robocop has a heart in the middle of all the action.
Aside from all the action and dark comedic overtones this movie is GREAT. Good actors, great direction, its filmed properly while remaining somewhat gritty. The criminals are such bad dudes you wish they'd die and cheer when they do get it. The story alone is a total bummer and sad, and besides Peter Weller talking in that robot voice you feel for the guy.
Robocop gave me an idea that Detroit was a gnarly place when I was a kid that stayed with me until I visited there 6 years ago and guess what? Except for things blowing up constantly in this movie it wasn't too far off. Robocop couldn't have happened anywhere BUT Detroit. This is a GREAT sci-fi action movie. Unfortunately, the sequels are pretty terrible, they just keep getting goofier and goofier and lack substance.
Revisiting this movie makes me realize that Robocop alone is a great gritty crime drama with a sci-fi edge. Kudos to the effects team for the toxic waste spill (essential gore) and the Murphy shooting sequence. I'm sure Tarantino saw this and stole a little bit of inspiration from it for Reservoir Dogs. For some reason (maybe because of Peter Weller being in Naked Lunch) this film has a serious Cronenberg feel to it. Which is a good thing.
This easily now makes it into my top 10 action/sci-fi/horror movies of all time. And if you rewatch or watch it I'd think you'd also agree.

NIGHT OF THE COMET

"They came. They shopped. They saved the world!"

1984 - Color - 95 minutes - PG13 - Director: Thom Eberhardt

"A comet wipes out most of life on Earth, leaving two Valley Girls to fight the evil types who survive."

This film straddles the line between horror and comedy very well. It doesn't take itself too seriously and its not so over-top silly its annoying. Surprisingly, this movie contains no pitfall comedic gags, I don't even think there's an obligatory fake scare scene. Its a couple of dingbats living in a post-apocalyptic world (Los Angeles after a comet passing through the atmosphere turns into a nuclear wastoid landscape) and somewhat unaffected by their new life and surroundings. Aside from a mini-breakdown by the youngest early in the film. Their biggest concerns are the lack of parents dragging them down, no cute boys to 'make it with' and nuclear zombies!! 

Once the horror stuff kicks in its a nice change of pace. Anyone left on earth, if not obliterated or kept safe from the nuclear madness, have turned into corpse faced nuclear fall out trash. There aren't plagues of them, just an unwanted annoyance to the bum out of the world technically being over. And if that wasn't bad enough there are evil scientists (a corporation?) harvesting the blood of unaffected survivors for a cure. 

I got the joy of seeing this as part of a double bill about 6 years ago in Hollywood thanks to the mind behind Cinefamily's Heavy Hitter Midnights. I figured it was worth a rewatch and it certainly held up in my memory, although I enjoyed it much more the second time around. Not a gore fest by all means but worth a watch for some decent sci-fi movie action.

EVIL DEAD aka THE BOOK OF THE DEAD

"Can they be stopped?"

1981 - Color - 85 minutes - NR - Director: Sam Raimi

"Five friends travel to a cabin in the woods, where they unknowingly release flesh-possessing demons."

What a simple premise for a movie that had the biggest influence on me mentally and physically (it made me sick to my stomach) as a kid. When I first witnessed this movie I was nine years old and it was directly after viewing the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the first time. What a nightmare of a film night my dad put me through. In my mind I knew these films were fiction but I knew this stuff could really happen. Chainsaw massacres: TRUE (I'd seen America's Most Wanted, murderers existed). Demon Possession and demonic books: DOUBLE TRUE (I grew up in a born again Christian home, this stuff was real and dangerous!). I watched this TERRIFIED, I truly believed the incantations from the Necronomicon could possess you. I had to turn it off and rewatch it during the day. Demons don't come out in sunlight, right? Besides the essential slasher movie and sci-fi of this age you need to see Evil Dead (again). Beyond original. Zombie demons, Lovecraft worship, pencils stabbings and carnal violence by trees?! Perfect. Redone with a large budget it would lose its eternal charm, if it was done with a budget when it was first made it would've been bigger than the Exorcist. No debate.

Rewatch this (not the sequel, the uneducated get them confused) and throw your cynical mindset out the window. See this with new eyes, whatever you THINK you remember you don't. The camera work is EXCELLENT, the special effects are the most crudest and bloodiest for their time, the acting is bad in a good way and the story alone is more orginal than any haunted house, spooky woods story going at its time or currently. This movie is 31 years old and still spookier and grueling than you will ever be. Stop being an annoying know-it-all and get a bag of popcorn and bask in its greatness.

THE STUFF

"You are what you eat."

1985 - Color - 93 minutes - R - Director: Larry Cohen

"A delicious mysterious goo that oozes from the Earth is marketed as the newest dessert sensation. But the sugary treat rots more than teeth when zombie-like snackers begin infesting the world."

This movie is the best!! Apart from the obvious parallels with The Blob (not released as a remake until 3 years later) and Invasion of the Body Snatchers. This is an original take on combining those two classic sci-fi tales. This movie has everything going for it. Great VHS cover art and special effects! Decent direction, acting, soundtrack and appropriate over the top gore effects. This is definitely a movie that I remember as a child, revisiting as an adult and still really enjoying!! This is a favorite amongst everyone in my house. A MUST SEE!